“Volume”

So this is my outing as a nascent blogger, often threatened but never followed through – sounds like my obituary!!  So please forgive my initial bumblings.  I am as the name suggests a Navy Husband, spouse to active duty and stay at home Dad to two darling (read challenging) girls (soon to be 4 and 6).  I have been through deployments, work ups, spouse meetings, FRGs, pass offices, potty training, post offices with two toddlers, commissary on pay day…..why the resume? well we are in the minority and I always feel as though I need to proffer my real time experience as a milspouse to be taken seriously.  The reality is of course that I feel as welcomed and as valued as any other military spouse, by both service members and spouses alike.  So why then do I feel this way?

Societal pressures have something to do with it, my mother’s face when she realized this was my path (“after all that money we invested in your education!”) the rest.  What could assuage my feelings of inadequacy, I’ll tell you, more male military spouses.  So imagine my surprise when we had one of my wife’s colleagues over for dinner and she, yes she, brought her stay at home husband and three kids (8, 5 and 3).

I have to say I was a little nervous to meet another of my kind, so rare are the sightings of Navy Husbands, and to meet such a prime example of the genus – he has three kids to my paltry two, he has just moved here with no real support structure (he is Australian so no family and they went straight into a deployment), his mini van has a leather interior!  Bottom line, once we had established we both like beer, there was no real surprise that the conversation flowed quickly to all things mil spouse – day care, the spectre of summer holidays, tantrums, napping (or lack of it) etc etc etc.  The comfort level quickly grew and I realized I should not feel bad about taking this path and that my feelings of inadequacy are exactly that, my own!  I am entrenched in society’s convention of what it is to be a man in today’s household (again my mother’s face looms large in my thoughts!) only to realize that the reality of the modern man is something very different.  I do not want to generalize as everyone’s situation is very different but in light of everything from men in the delivery room, to increased involvement in rearing our children, to women better navigating the glass maze (thank you BBC documentary for that spin on the old glass ceiling) men’s roles are changing and we should not be afraid to take that step, consider it as an option, get comfortable with it as decision and then reap the rewards.

So how do we achieve this, in the words of SNL, “Volume” – I would like to see the military able to employ more females for longer, retain that experience and training dollars and at the end of the day improve our military’s readiness.   So I will continue in my role of male military spouse in the hope that a few more will follow and allow us all to advance societal conventions to a better place.35

Beyond Tribute Launches!

Many moons ago I thought my first BSF post would be about my hysterically funny misadventure at the Fredricksburg, VA pre-election Obama/Biden Rally. But that post will have to be patient. It’s been waiting a few months, so what’s a little longer?

Yesterday I had the distinct honor of being in attendance at the launch of Beyond Tribute. As I walked into the room, I was happy to see a familiar face, Sue Hoppin, immediate Past President of the Bolling OWC. Score! I had someone to sit with, which was important since Stephanie’s car was rear-ended on I-95 and she was unable to meet me at the event as planned. (Stephanie is okay! Thankfully no one was seriously injured!)

One thing you must know about me, is I am no fan of formality. I understand it and respect it, but if faced with the knowledge of a receiving line, I will hide in the ladies room until it is over. My avoidant behavior didn’t begin with my husband’s military career, it began at weddings. I just never know quite what to say in that 5 second spurt of handshaking. So as I looked around at the folks in the room, I contemplated whether I needed to go hide out for a bit, but decided to risk remaining seated. Turned out to be the right decision.

Thankfully there wasn’t a receiving line, but that isn’t to say I did not experience a 5 second handshake which I found to be thoroughly engaging.
As I was awaiting the start of the program, a blond woman sat down in the row in front of me. She immediately turned around, stuck out her hand and smiled at me as she enthusiastically said, “Hi! I’m Jill Biden!” Yes, that Jill Biden, AKA Dr. Biden. And because I didn’t feel the pressure to perform in a receiving line, I was actually able to tell her my name and organization with comfort and ease. We didn’t have time for me to gush and act the fool much else, because the program was seconds away from beginning and the once empty chair to her left, directly in front of me, now was chock full of, none other than,General Wesley Clark.  Yes, that Wesley Clark.   Lucky me, being all of Not Even 5 Feet, Gen Clark isn’t freakishly tall and  didn’t block my view.  Although I do wonder what would have happened had I tapped him on the shoulder and asked him to “scrunch down.”  Instead I found my self somewhat fixated on the back of his head. It’s nicely shaped, his haircut was very even, although I momentarily wondered if he uses hairspray or gel to keep his coif. (BTW,Congratulations, you are now just as distracted as me from the purpose of this post)

The launch of “Beyond Tribute”. What a fabulous concept  that American’s can still shop the Veteran’s Day and Memorial Day sales and at the same time be supporting Veteran’s Service organizations.  I think Bob Balaban put it just the right way when he said, “This isn’t just a call to action, it’s a call to conscience.”  And yeah, it’s a wonderful way to remind retailers and the public that the best way to capitalize on these holidays is to pay back the veterans for everything they have done for our country.

So in the words of Pamela Eggleston, go “hit the sales, shop at the stores” which have taken the pledge, take the pledge yourself and have safe holiday weekend.   Particularly as we go into the 101 Critical Days.

The Gentleman from Virginia

On Wednesday evening of this week,  nine members of Blue Star Families gathered at the Russell Senate Office Building and waited (some of us more nervous than others) to meet with Senator  Mark Warner of Virginia.  The former Governor asked to meet with military spouses.  An  advisor knew one of the BSF members – so there we were!

His aide and an advisor came in first, we chatted about what we wanted to discuss.. then with a rush (fresh from the Senate floor from a vote) – he was there.  Senator Warner asked us to go around the table and introduce ourselves and talk about what issues we thought were impacting the military families.  So round we went, Navy Wives, Marine Wives, Navy Husband, Army Wife, Navy Child.  We talked about the problems we had seen, the need for psychological counseling (this was only 2 days after the deaths at Camp Liberty) for the service members, and for the families.

Senator Warner was surprised by the BSF  survey result – showing that 94% of respondent military families felt disconnected from and by the rest of the country; we discussed deployments/dwell time; we mentioned the problems of finding jobs while moving as often as we do.   The National Guard/Reserve, dear to the heart of the former Commander of the Virginia Guard,  wasn’t left out – their particular problems of jobs for returning soldiers was a big topic!  But, this wasn’t a negative meeting, in any way!

We talked about the joys as well as the sadness.   We didn’t just bring up problems – we started throwing out ideas for solutions!  Those solutions that we can help with – helping military families and non military families get together – helping get those citizens who want to help together with a deployed family who could use a hand.  How can we use all that brainpower living on post, the lawyers, therapists, teachers, paralegals, writers, organizers, cooks  – those who can’t find a job or have to wait for licenses in each state?

Some would say we shouldn’t talk about the problems in our community, that we should be stoic and not let “others” see that all is not perfect and rosy. But without the light, how do we get things fixed? As one of the senator’s advisors said – remember military housing 5 years ago?  It was awful, and when these conditions were brought into the open, the solutions began!  if Ft. Belvoir is an indicator, on post housing has improved dramatically.  More recently – the Walter Reed affair shed a spotlight on conditions that had been quietly complained about for a long time.

A point was made, we don’t want pity, we don’t need it. We are very proud of who we are, that we are proud to be military spouses (and the military child with us echoed that sentiment!).  We did make a choice, and we are coping and flourishing as best we can.  But everyone needs an assist sometimes!

After a while, an aide stuck his head in.. and again… and again.  The Senator started giving out the assignments – Get some ideas together, get me some questions to ask when I head to certain areas, let’s figure out how we work TOGETHER – military, civilians, military families, legislators, employers.   The Senator is a very energetic man, and had us all energized, so much so that when the aide again gently reminded him he’d have a family problem of his own if he didn’t leave….. it was 7 ish – we kept talking – kept coming up with ideas.

Alright – so here’s YOUR assignment.  In the comments – tell us what you think is a problem and a solution to it.   If you don’t know a solution – let’s try to find one.  Who knows, someone out there may have already “been there, done that, got the coffee cup!”

You can also read about this on Senator Warner’s Blog.

The First Lady surprised by the BSF Survey Results

From the American Forces Press Service

First Lady Vows More Support for Military Spouses, Families
By Samantha L. Quigley
American Forces Press Service

WASHINGTON, May 7, 2009 – First Lady Michelle Obama was surprised to learn that the majority of military families feel their struggles often go unnoticed, she said during an interview today with The Pentagon Channel and American Forces Press Service.
“I just saw the results of a recent survey done by Blue Star Families that shows that 94 percent of military families feel as if the country doesn’t understand their challenges,” Obama said. “That’s a pretty powerful statement.”

The struggles include moving from city to city and trying to find good schools, or child care, or a new job. In the case of a military spouse, all of these struggles fall on one set of shoulders when a servicemember is deployed.

The administration is moving ahead with concrete measures to make military families’ lives a little easier, Obama said.

“We’re seeing a 2.9 percent increase in salary for our [servicemembers] to ensure that we’re retaining and attracting new numbers of individuals who want to be part of the military forces and feel like they can build a life as a result,” she said. “In terms of our spouses, the administration is investing $80 million just for career development and training for spouses, which is critical.”

That’s just the beginning.

“You’ll see more down the line that will show, not just in word but in deed, that we have to invest in our military, their families, and our veterans in a real meaningful way,” she added. “Whether that’s job training, mental health support [or] whether that’s ensuring that people have access to the health care they need.”

These are all good steps to lowering the number of military families who feel disconnected from the rest of the American public, but more can be done, the first lady said.

“There’s also a separate call to the nation that has nothing to do with the government,” she said. “It’s what we do in our own neighborhoods that’s also an important part of what this community of families needs to feel.”

It’s about neighbors reaching out, businesses reaching out to new military families in the area. Even schools and colleges can help military families and spouses by thinking creatively about helping them transfer credits and gain access to training and other educational opportunities, she said.

The outreach doesn’t need to be a grand gesture, as even the smallest act is a signal to the military community that the nation understands the sacrifices its servicemembers and their families are making, Obama said. And even though she, too, has endured having an absent spouse, she said there is no comparison to the extra burden on military spouses.

“I try not to compare my experience in any way to what a military spouse faces,” the first lady said. “When I was away from my husband during the time of the campaign, he wasn’t at war.

“What I do know is that when you’re married to somebody who feels a call to serve, that you’re part of that service as well,” she said.

That means she’ll stand behind, next to, or with her husband, Obama added. “The women and men that I’ve met who are serving alongside their spouses feel the same way,” she said. “They feel a part of this challenge and they embrace it with pride and dignity and courage and strength.”

Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Navy Adm. Mike Mullen recently declared tomorrow “Military Spouse Appreciation Day.” It’s a wonderful recognition, Obama said, “but that’s just one day. We should be doing it every day.”

In light of the day, however, she said she wants every military spouse to know they’re loved, valued and appreciated, and that the administration will work hard to make sure that’s realized.

She had one other wish for them as well. “Hopefully somebody will take them out to lunch,” she said with a chuckle.

BSF on the Hill

Blue Star Families storm the hill.

This is going to be a quick report – because I have so many notes, and so much to say, it’s going to take me hours to put together something good enough to tell YOU all how incredible our round table discussion with members of Congress and other military family support groups was.

A group of BSF members met at a local coffee shop and walked up to the Hill. Nerves? definitely! After going through security, and finding our way through the maze (thanks to the young page who herded us through!), we reached a very large room. The usual confusion of who sits where, except the chair labeled Speaker Pelosi, ensued. Then suddenly, the room filled with aides, the cameras set at one end of the room switched on, and the Speaker started the meeting.

The next report will give you more “meat” on these bones. But I want you all to know that Pamela Stokes Eggleston gave a great presentation, as did Claire Woodward. The more intense discussions began after the press was asked to leave. BSF and NMFA members were asked to tell their own stories and we heard from various members of Congress. The overwhelming theme from the military spouses was, at least to me and some of the others I spoke to, “we don’t want your pity, we want you to understand what our lives are like, and that we need some of the help we were promised”.

The great need for health care providers, especially counselors for family members was a dominant theme; the need for funding for ombudsmen/FRG representatives; funding for the Beyond a Yellow Ribbon program and others for National Guard service members and their families. The members of Congress were “discouraged” and surprised by the leading survey result – that over 94% of military families feel disconnected from the American public. There was a great deal packed into the hour and a half (and we went over the allotted time as well, thanks to the Speaker’s permission). As you can tell, there is SO much to talk about, I must make sure that it is properly presented.

Press Release

BSF to Present Results of Military Issue Survey on Capitol Hill

This Tuesday, May 5, 2009, at 11am, Blue Star Families will present the results of its new military families top issues survey with the National Military Family Association to the Congressional Women’s Caucus and the White House Council on Women and Girls.

The survey was done in conjunction with NMFA, the Red Cross, the USO, the Armed Forces YMCA, Military.com, and MilSpouse.com.  After the event tomorrow, we’ll have the results available on the Blue Star Families website, along with a press packet.

Georgia Cities Support Military Families

Please welcome guest author, Marie. Marie is the perfect example of BSF ingenuity and initiative.  The bloggers here at Blue Star Voices applaud her and every city and county in Georgia supporting military families!

Recently, I sat back and something popped into to my head: “What can I do next for the bases I serve in this state of Georgia that has given me so many memories”? I’m really not very sure how this came to me. I think it was a mixture of being raised in a military family then, at the tender age of 12, losing my father to war. Now, my own son is on active duty.

Rekindling the thoughts of days gone by inspired my journey to make April the “Month of the Military Child” all over Georgia. I know all the bases inside this great state, found all of the Mayors, town or city counsels, city clerks etc, of each and every city or county that serves as home to every base in Georgia. Then I contacted all of these people, via e-mail, thinking, “They can only say yes, no, or nothing”. The waiting began.

Surprisingly enough, I started hearing back really quickly. Thus far, I have received or am in process of receiving at least one, and for some cities, two, “Proclamations”, or “Letters of Appreciation” from all but two cites housing bases in the entire state. During this endeavor, I’ve also found the majority of the contacts for each base “Family Readiness Group.” I am currently in the process of turning over the Proclamations to each base for them to display where they deem appropriate. The Proclamations are for either/and “April Month of the Military Child” or “2009 Year if the Military Family”.

Marie Mathieson is the mother of a Navy son and a Gold Star daughter. She is the representative for Blue Star Families for the state of Georgia.

MSRRA – The Hearing

In an impressive chamber in the Dirksen Building, Senator Akaka of Hawaii gaveled the Senate Committee on Veterans Affairs into session. A group of men and women, wearing buttons saying – Military Spouses, We deserve a Home State Too – sat and waited. A Director in the VA and others from his office went first, discussing a wide array of VA Compensation and Benefit bills. Then, the second panel began. AmVets, The American Legion, The VFW spoke first, on Vets issues. And all three gave their support for Senate Bill 475. Then a Legislative Attorney, American Law Division, in the Congressional Law Service gave an opinion on the MSRRA – and brought up constitutional questions. The last line in his written presentation concerning exemption of spouses from taxation in the jurisdiction the service member is stationed in resonated with all of the spouses there –

Any inquiry on the constitutionality of the question would likely hinge on whether exempting the spouse from taxation outside of his or her home state assists the servicemember to “devote their entire energy to the defense needs of the Nation?”

The quote comes from the U.S. Supreme Court’s decision in Dameron v Brodhead, a case concerning the SCRA (Servicemembers Civil Relief Act). For those of us in the chamber, the answer was very clear.

This LINK will take you to the Video – Rebecca’s testimony is minute 88, Senator Burr’s supportive message is at minute 98.

Senate Veteran Affairs Committee Hearing on MSRRA S. 475

Rebecca Poynter was the last speaker, and put the case for the MSRRA succinctly and clearly. Personal property rights, taxation and voting in our “home of record” are the points that the MSRRA is seeking to change. She gave examples of spouses who have been badly affected by tax/home state problems; a military spouse who almost lost her clearance and job when a tax nightmare erupted with three states all arguing over where she owed taxes, the IRS got involved as did her employer; A spouse trying to get her degree, but cannot find an online course in the new state she just PCSed to, but her “home of record” state has one. Spouses who need to take classes, but can’t afford the non resident tuition. is a hardship many of us can empathize with, since most of us can’t afford to finish a degree in just one assignment cycle – when you move, and if you can keep taking classes in that program online – you are suddenly now a non resident! Voting – do we want to vote in our current state, or the state we plan to retire in, where some of us own property already? As for me, we still own a house in our home state, the local elections are important to us. After all, we worry about the town the house is in, the state of the local roads, the water tower, the police department.

Senator Richard Burr (R.NC) questioned the Legislative Attorney – wondering why there was a constitutional question, since military spouses have already been given certain rights concerning contracts and leases, that can be adjusted due to military moves. Since those rights are already there and were put into law by Congress, why is there a problem with expanding those? Senator Burr has requested an answer to this question soon. I for one, will be very interested in this answer.

NOW is the time to make phone calls. If your Senator is one of those who is a co-sponsor, please call and say thank you. If your Senator isn’t a co sponsor, please call.Here’s a link for information about the bill. Call the Senator of your “home” state, the Senator of the state you live in now, the one from the state you just PCSed from. Ask your family members to call their Senator as well. Military Spouse Appreciation Day is coming up – let’s make sure we show our elected officials how we’d like to be appreciated!

Yellow Ribbon Reintegration Program: New York Army National Guard Has One

Yellow Ribbon Reintegration Program: New York Army National Guard Has One

In New York, the NY National Guard, NY Army National Guard, NY Air National Guard, the New York Guard, and NY Naval Militia report to The New York State Division of Military & Naval Affairs (http://www.dmna.state.ny.us/index.php).

Conceived in 2007 and implemented in April 2008 by Major General Joseph Taluto, the adjutant general and commander of the New York National Guard, the New York Army National Guard Yellow Ribbon Reintegration Program aims to make it easier for National Guard combat veterans to transition from full-time Soldier to Citizen Soldier again (http://www.dmna.state.ny.us/family/reintegration.php).

Under this program, Soldiers are required to attend paid-assemblies 30 and 60 days after their return from a combat zone. Their families are encouraged to attend as well. The sessions are held in a non-threatening, non-military environment – a really nice hotel – to provide Soldiers and families with the opportunity to share experiences and talk frankly with each other and counselors about their experiences. These Soldiers are put back in touch with people who understand their experiences at about the time the “honeymoon phase” of their homecoming starts to fade.

At two months, there are briefings on anger management, substance abuse, gambling, financial management and other topics. Ever Soldier sits down one-on-one with a VA-certified counselor during the 60-Day sessions. This enables the soldier to get help for whatever issues or problems they have identified. The state Department of Labor has begun conducting career fairs at the 60-day reintegration events as well. The goal is to help Soldiers find new jobs, if needed.

At the 90-day interval the Soldiers return to regular drilling status and report to their Armory for medical checks and additional briefings.

While many states are putting together reintegration programs, New York also focuses on the process of helping a unit get back into the rhythm of National Guard duty. The training schedule for the first year after return from a combat zone is provided to the unit, making it easier for the leadership to hit the ground running.

If your state doesn’t provide such a comprehensive program, tell them about what New York is doing.

Remember… “Let No Veteran Ever Stand Alone!”

— Regards, Walt Schmidt, VSO

VP Biden Visits Fort Bragg

Vice President Joe Biden and his wife, Jill, made a visit to Fort Bragg, North Carolina this past Wednesday as part of a Welcome Home ceremony, honoring and thanking the Army’s 18th Airborne Corps, who just returned from a 15-month deployment in Iraq.

During his address on Fort Bragg’s Main Post Parade Field to the recently redeployed troops, he discussed the successes that the 18th ABN Corps experienced while in Iraq, as well as presenting soldiers several awards, including three bronze stars and a meritorious service medal for a Chaplain. 1,200 Soldiers from the Corps different units were in attendance.

You did more than I suspect you even know,” Biden said. “You went in the midst of what was an uncertain future for Iraq and you left a country where violence is replaced by progress.”

Biden also recognized the families, saying that “so many people — good, decent Americans — don’t have any idea of the depths of the sacrifices your families make.”

“I want you to know that my wife and I know, President Obama and Michelle Obama know, my colleagues in the Congress know — and we appreciate it more than you can imagine,” he explained.

Jill Biden herself has become a major advocate of military families and support groups that work with those families, and is vowing to make these issues a top priority while her husband is in Office. After the hour and a half long ceremony, she spent a good amount of time shaking the hands of wives that were in attendance, speaking with them candidly about their experiences and concerns.

“One of the things Michelle (Obama) and I are trying to do is create awareness of what our troops are doing, in that we are at war,” Biden said. “And the average American might think about that once in a while, but I know that the families of military members think about it almost every moment of every day. I know, as a military mom myself, how many times a day I stop and think about it.”

The Biden’s son, Beau, is currently deployed to Iraq with the Delaware National Guard.